Part 5, Assignment 5 – Tutor feedback

Herewith the link to my tutor’s feedback on my fifth assignment:

Amy Balcomb (510035) Writing for Children Assignment 5 Tutor Feedback

Summary feedback points:
1) There was too much Exposition in the second story, which “told” more than it “showed”.
Given that I was exploring the use of the Omniscient POV within this story, I think that this perspective (which was a new one for me to write within) pulled me away from ensuring the five senses were engaged and conversation was also included.  I will re-write this story to ensure that any exposition I have is used more carefully, reducing some of the sentence lengths.  It feels like I’m learning to walk the high wire and this is a balancing act that I need to get the hang of, because both elements (exposition/tell and the five senses & conversation/show) are important.

2) There weren’t enough scenes in the second story.
I can use this focus to break up the exposition passages. By concentrating on making sure that the scenes contain the five senses